Wolfsbane
by Spectral Scribe
Summary: PostOotP. Two tragic pasts. Two secret identities. One way to kill a wolf.
1. Decerto

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to Warner Bros, Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Heyday/1498 films, JK Rowling and Raincoat books. I don't lay any claim to it. However, the character Alexandria Cain does belong to me.

**Wolfsbane**

**Chapter One: Decerto**

The grimy, darkened street flew by in a blur of dark grays and browns. A thick cloud shifted somewhere overhead, allowing pale white moonlight to flood the barren street. The thudding of her feet on the gritty pavement combined with the furious pounding of her heart and the heave of her breath coming out in heavy pants created a constant rhythmic drumbeat that her body pulsed with as she sprinted. The muscles in her legs were searing; her face was red from the whiplash of the fierce air around her. Behind her, a low growl erupted in the night.

A ragged black cloak billowed about her shoulders, but beneath it she wore a plain long-sleeved shirt and a pair of fraying jeans. Added to this mismatched appearance was the wand that remained clutched in her sweating, white-knuckled fist. Behind her, the unrelenting thumping of four massive paws continued to pummel the road.

Decrepit houses loomed on either side of the pothole-ridden street, which was coming to an abrupt end at a metal fence about ten feet tall. She pumped her arms vigorously to the beat of the panting of her breath, beating of her heart, and hammering of her feet against the pavement. Panic shrieked through her aching muscles as she prepared herself for the leap. As the fence towered over her, she hurled herself into the air, grasped onto the fence, and vaulted herself over. She landed like a cat, crouched on the balls of her feet and palms of her hands, which were now chafed from the impact. Her wand clattered to her right, and she snatched it up before spinning herself around to face the fence and the creature bearing down on it.

"_Argentum Eversor!_" she shouted, and a thin beam of brilliant silver radiance exploded from the tip of her wand and streaked through the air. It missed the colossal wolf by inches as it arrived at the fence. She watched in horror as the monster scaled the fence in a single bound, soaring after her. Shoving herself to her feet, she dashed forward once again when a clawed paw caught her ankle, twisting it around and causing her to once more be horizontally airborne. First her knees collided with the street, tearing her jeans; then her stomach, forcing the air from her lungs; then her forehead smashed onto the street with a loud crack, and she felt warm liquid dripping down her face. As the wolf came at her again, she acted on instinct and forced herself to do a very painful backward roll, head swimming, vision blurred with pain. The wolf pounced over her as she rolled behind it and skidded to a halt, wondering where she had gone.

As she lay in an uncomfortable position on her back, breathing hard, she slowly pushed herself to her feet. But when she made it, her twisted ankle buckled beneath her weight, and she was sent to her already throbbing and cut up knees. The wolf's back was to her as it sniffed around, the perfect time to strike. Crouched on the ground, she raised her wand in a trembling grip and gathered up her strength for the exhausting and complex spell.

"_Argentum Eversor!_" she gasped, and once more a blinding silver beam shot through the air, this time slamming into the unaware wolf's backside. An eerie howl echoed through the night as the beam sizzled a hole into the wolf's brown fur. The monster whirled around in pain, its body now glowing with silver effulgence. Its eyes gleamed angrily, and saliva dripped from its bared fangs. Then it began to stagger back and forth like a drunken man, and at last it collapsed in a heap on the street, whimpering as it slowly and painfully wheezed its last breaths.

When the wolf had stopped moving and the night became silent once more, she attempted to get to her feet again. This time successful, she began limping slowly over to the wolf, chest heaving with the effort as she dragged her mangled foot behind her. Pocketing her wand, she trudged further down the street, trying to walk off the pain in her ankle to no avail. Her head was pounding agonizingly, and she feared she was not going to be able to take many more steps. "Come on, Alex, just a bit farther," she mumbled to herself.

But there, in the middle of the street between houses eleven and thirteen, her ankle finally gave way, and she collapsed onto the pavement, the side of her already bleeding head connecting with the road painfully. She let out a sharp cry as her body hit the solid street. A cloud rolled over the full moon above, covering the dim light that it shed onto the neighborhood. The street was suddenly filled with the soft pit-pat of falling rain, and she felt drops like stinging icicles begin to soak her sore body.

She closed her eyes against the blur of rain, consciousness fading in and out, and let the darkness take her.


	2. Auxilium

**Chapter Two: Auxilium**

It felt as if her entire body had been beaten and then tossed over a waterfall. Her head was throbbing, and various parts of her body ached. Her eyelids parted blearily, giving her dull brown eyes a distorted view of a large room with immaculately clean white walls. She lifted her head slightly, receiving a shooting pain in her neck, and laid it back down on the pillow that had found its way beneath her untamed mane of curly auburn hair.

Blinking the room into focus, she lifted her head once more and realized that she was lying on a bed with golden sunlight from a nearby window streaming in onto her, brightening the already blinding white room. There were other people around her, asleep in their beds. She groaned and winced slightly as she sat up fully, seeing that she was now clad in a ridiculously revealing paper gown.

All at once, a sudden panic threatened to take over her entire body as she realized where she was. Hopping out of bed frantically (and also quite painfully and awkwardly), she landed on her hurt ankle and nearly collapsed. Grabbing onto the nightstand next to her, she wildly threw open the drawers, her heart thumping anxiously in her chest. She discovered her wand lying neatly in the topmost drawer and her rain-soaked, dirty, torn clothes folded in the bottom. Self-consciously glancing around at the room's other occupants to make sure they were asleep, she tore off the gown and hastily yanked on her still-damp jeans and long tee shirt. Though the clothes were dreadfully uncomfortable and dirty, they were much better than the generic paper gown that was hopelessly open in the back, allowing for an unwanted breeze in areas that she would prefer not to discuss with anyone.

Snatching her wand up once again, she made to leave the room, but several things stopped her. For one, her ankle did not seem to have healed overnight, and she was forced to slow down dramatically, nearly toppling forward with the sudden halt. The other thing was a nurse who wandered into the room, took one look at the limping, mud-stained patient, and pursed her lips angrily.

"Miss, I'm going to need you to get back into bed," the nurse ordered with a slight edge to her voice, several strands of loose blonde hair falling untidily from her nurse's cap.  
But Alex did not want to hear it. She pointed her wand at the nurse and threatened grimly, "I'm positive I know a significantly larger amount of lethal spells than you, so I suggest you step aside and let me leave before I decide this is an opportune time to practice them."

Now the nurse looked not only annoyed but also slightly distressed. "Miss, please. I'm only trying to help you. We've only healed some outer wounds; we still need to fix that ankle of yours. And we can't do so unless you get back into bed."

Alex was breathing hard, torn between the pain in her ankle and the anxiety of waking up in a hospital. The memories of last time that had happened rushed back into her mind as she stood there, her wand still poised before her. Her rash instincts getting the better of her, she made to hurry forward, but her ankle bent beneath her and sent her tumbling to the ground.

Almost at once, the nurse snatched the wand from her grasp and helped her back over to the bed, tucking the wand away in the drawer once again. "Now, I'm going to need you to fill out this form so that we know who you are. The man who brought you in was not able to identify you," the nurse explained as she pulled some papers from her clipboard and placed them on the nightstand. As she turned to leave, Alex furrowed her eyebrows and turned her gaze to the nurse, confused.

"The man who brought me in?"

The nurse turned back around with a weary smile. "Yes. Said he found you unconscious on the street early this morning. He also said he'd be back later to see how you are. I suppose there are still some Good Samaritans out there." With a curt nod, the nurse turned back to the door, calling over her shoulder, "And don't forget to fill out those forms!"

Lying back with no intention of worrying about some stupid forms any time soon, Alex closed her eyes and attempted to forget where she was. But it wasn't long before her peace was interrupted for a second time. It was when most of the other patients had awoken and Alex found her stomach growling hungrily that the man stepped into the room and spotted her, smiling. Before he even got near her bedside, Alex propped herself up on her pillow and gave him a cold, scrutinizing look.

His light brown hair was streaked with gray, and his robes were very shabby, having patches sewn here and there in attempts to make them usable. Pale and looking slightly ill, Alex wondered for a moment whether he should be in her place. But this thought only crossed her mind briefly as he approached her bed, for her nerves were being stretched like a tightrope, and on instinct she snapped, "Do I know you?"

The man raised his eyebrows and gave her a kind look. "Actually, I was the one that brought you here."

There was a short pause. "Well, are you expecting some sort of thanks?" she shot back.  
"No. I only came to see how you were. But I thought that you would be slightly more grateful; you could have died out there had I not found you," the man told her seriously. Alex scowled.

"Listen, I don't know what you expected in coming here, but whatever it is, you're not going to get it. I don't care if you think you did the right thing in bringing me here, Mr. Good Samaritan. I do not belong in a hospital, and that's that. So good day to you," she snapped irately, crossing her arms over her stomach and glowering at him. The mysterious stranger, however, didn't seem at all fazed.

"I didn't catch your name."

Alex stared at him. Her _name?_ After her outburst of callousness, he just stood there and asked for her _name?_ Frustration welled up inside of her as she sat there, not sure what to make of this benign stranger.

"I believe that's because I didn't throw it," she retorted.

"Well, then. Forgive me, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Remus Lupin," the man told her, extending his hand for her to shake it. Alex stared at it in revulsion and didn't budge. Remus Lupin… it seemed oddly familiar. Deciding it was merely the effect of her nerves, now stretched taut with frustration, she inwardly shrugged it off.

"Mr. Lupin, exactly how thick are you? I believe I have made it abundantly clear that your company here is unwanted. Are you deaf to all that I have just said or are you simply incapable of giving up when a girl has shut you down?"

Remus looked mildly surprised. "Believe me, I'm not here to try and get a date with you. I truly wanted to make sure that you're all right. Whatever happened to you had to be a traumatizing experience."

"Well, thank you for your unnecessary concern, but I'm a big girl who can take care of herself. And whatever happened to me on Grimmauld Street is none of your business," Alex told him, his exceedingly gentle exterior causing her to become more and more frustrated. Remus calmly strolled over to the table at her bedside and glanced down at the papers.

"I see you haven't filled out your forms yet. Do you have an aversion to people knowing your name?"

"Of course not," she scoffed. "A name is only a name. The important thing is the identity that is linked to it. Nobody has ever been terribly interested in knowing my identity. Therefore, why would I go around giving my name to any scruffy stranger that waltzes into my life expecting thanks that he is not going to receive?" She raised an eyebrow, daring him to argue.

"Point taken. But would you give your name to someone who is interested in the identity associated with it?" he inquired. Alex frowned at her own defensive rhetoric being thrown back in her face.

"If it'll get you to leave me alone," she grumbled. As he eyed her expectantly, she reluctantly gave in. "Alexandria. Alexandria Cain."

Remus smiled. "Alexandria. That's a beautiful name. May I call you Alex?"

"May I call you Lupy?"

"Alexandria it is," Remus replied, his eyes glinting with amusement. "Well, Alexandria, I've got some important work I need to be getting back to. I'll come back and visit again tomorrow."

"You… What?" Alex felt herself groping for logical reasoning. "I've been nothing but rude to you, and you actually want to come back? Are you sure you don't belong in the mental ward here? What reason would you have to come back?"

Remus sighed. "Clearly you have trust issues. My reason for coming back is that I'd like to see you again and make sure you get properly healed," he elucidated before turning around and strolling back out of the room.

Alex was too tensed up to lay down again, so she continued to sit there with her arms folded and her hands clenched into fists. After the door closed behind Remus, she closed her eyes and slowly counted to ten under her breath. When she opened her eyes, she found a patient across the room eyeing her curiously.

"Do you mind?" Alex spat, causing the woman to blink and look away. Alex reluctantly leaned over and began to fill out the forms; but all the while, she couldn't seem to get Remus's frustratingly benevolent smile out of her head. She had been lying unconscious in a bad neighborhood- what kind of person was altruistic enough to bring her to the hospital and then visit her? Not anybody she had met in her life. Wondering about possible ulterior motives and when she was going to get out of that hospital, Alex rested back against the pillow and let herself drift into a fitful sleep.


	3. Occultus

**Chapter Three: Occultus**

Alex picked her wand up from the wooden drawer and twirled it around a few times between her fingers. Fresh sunlight was streaming into the room, leaving a streak of brightness on her neatly made bed. The days she had spent in lingering monotony had slowly and slightly alleviated her passionate dread of hospitals and transformed it into a dull and muted regret. But that by no means dampened her anticipation of leaving the falsely bright room.

Placing the wand back down again, she sighed exasperatedly as her brownish eyes turned toward the vase that sat atop the nightstand. It was a rather ugly bottle green vase filled with six white roses- one for each day she had spent at St. Mungo's. Roses- and, actually, flowers in general- seemed tremendously cliché to Alex; she had never quite understood their appeal. They seemed too sugarcoated to be enjoyable, too unrealistically sweet and pretty for anybody to sympathize with a flower. They smelled nice, were supposedly romantic, and were vivid and beautiful colors; it seemed there was no down side to a flower. But Alex knew that everything had a dark side, so why should flowers be any different? Apparently Remus hadn't expected her to analyze something as simple as a flower in such a way, for when he brought them to her and saw the cynical look on her face, he had inquired if she was allergic to flowers.

"Well, you're looking as filthy as ever," came a friendly voice from the doorway of the room. Several other patients looked up and smiled as they saw the familiar visitor bumble in wearing his usual set of shabby, tattered robes.

"Charming," Alex murmured sarcastically, but she knew what he meant. Remus had offered to go to her house and fetch her some clean clothes (she stridently and persistently refused to wear the hospital gowns and had gotten into several shouting matches with the nurses) instead of the same old torn, mud-stained ones from a week ago. But she had refused, questioning how she could just hand over her key to any old body and trust them to return loyally with the key and fresh clothes.

"All set to go?" Remus asked as he came over to her bedside.

"Sure, once I finish packing," Alex replied. She picked up her wand and tucked it into her back pocket before turning around to face him with an amused smirk on her face. "There. All set."

"Aren't you going to take your roses?"

"Oh fine, but don't get all sentimental on me," Alex retorted, snatching up the vase of flowers. Rolling her eyes, she changed the subject. "So may I ask once again why you have offered to escort me back to my place?"

Remus let out a soft laugh. "I come here to visit you everyday, and everyday you ask me why. You come off as slightly paranoid, you know," he responded with a smile.

"I am not. I'm just cautious- and rightly so. The world is full of criminals, especially in the neighborhood you found me in. Everyone there is a lowlife," Alex shot back in her defense.

"Glad you think so much of me- and of yourself, for that matter. You were there too, you know," Remus pointed out.

"So? What if I am a lowlife?" Alex proposed, crossing her arms over her stomach.  
"I don't want you to think that. I had a friend who thought he was a lowlife, and in truth he was just the opposite."

"And where is this friend now? Off somewhere benefiting from your _wise _advice?" Alex drew out the word 'wise' sardonically.

"Actually, he passed away last spring." Remus looked away toward the warm light streaming in the window, a distant look in his eyes as if he were seeing some other place and time altogether.

"I'm sorry," she apologized quietly, realizing she had overstepped the line. "Well… shall we go?"

Remus shook himself out of his reverie and nodded.

x-----x-----x-----x-----x

"And… this is where you live?" Remus stared around, appalled at the dingy building they were entering. Its windows were clouded over with grime, the brown walls faded and peeling. He glanced back outside at the flickering neon sign that read 'Mot l' (the 'e' had burnt out) and cringed.

"For now," Alex shrugged, leading him down a decrepit hallway and to a beat-up door with a black metal number 7 stuck to the front. She stuck the key in the lock and turned it, making a grinding noise as the door swung open to reveal a small room. Alex pulled out her wand and waved it once, causing the lights to brighten the dismal room. A single bed was pushed up against the far wall by the window; near that was a dilapidated dresser, round table, and two uncomfortable looking chairs.

"What does that mean?" Remus asked as he peered around, faintly reminded of how number twelve, Grimmauld Place had looked before they had cleaned it up.

"It means I don't permanently live here. It's a motel, for goodness' sake. I move around a lot… traipse from motel to hotel to bench in the park… you know, the nomadic lifestyle," Alex explained.

"So you don't have an actual home?" Remus accidentally bumped into the table and nearly knocked it over, realizing that one of the legs was too short. He caught it quickly, steadying the round table and turning back to Alex, who was digging through a drawer of clothes.

"I used to," she replied, picking up a baggy green sweatshirt and tossing it onto the bed. "When I was a kid, I mean. My parents and I had a nice little house just outside London until I was nine. Then we moved to Bulgaria, and when I was eleven, Durmstrang Academy became my home. When I was eighteen, I sold the house in Bulgaria and started roaming around Europe. Spent some time in France and Scotland, but mostly England because English is my first language."

"Ah, I thought I heard a hint of Bulgarian in your accent." Remus looked around awkwardly. "So why don't you settle down and get a job and a house?"

She stopped in the middle of pulling out a faded pair of jeans and folded them up in her hands thoughtfully. "I'm just not the settle-down type, I guess. I do have somewhat of a job, though. I do some experimental spellwork for the Bulgarian government… freelance stuff, so I'm not grounded there. I go back every few months, do some stuff with new spells, get a generous paycheck, and then I'm on my feet for a few more months. So, where do you live?"

"At the moment, on Grimmauld Street. By where I found you. But it's a small house, you probably didn't see it." Remus looked slightly uneasy, and Alex couldn't help but eye him with interest at his vague and slightly mysterious reply. But before she could begin to fathom what was going on in his head, he asked her, "Haven't you ever wanted to just stay in one place?"

Alex sighed inwardly, somehow having previously felt the inevitable return to this most unpleasant topic. Carefully averting her eyes from Remus, she gathered up the clothes she had pulled from her drawers. "There's a bathroom just down the hall; I'm going to go change into some clean clothes. You can stay here in my charming little abode if you wish, I'll be back in a few minutes."

And with that, she hurried into the hallway and in the direction of the bathroom. When she had locked herself into the tiny room, she gave a sigh and gazed into the mirror. It had a crack running down the middle of it, distorting her reflection. It had always been distorted, whether she liked it or not.

As she peeled off her dirty clothes and pulled on some clean ones, an image filled her mind. It was a quaint little brick house with a large, grassy backyard. And she was there, a little girl, beside her parents… and her friends… and people that had once cared about her.

She pulled her wand out of the pocket of her destroyed jeans and replaced it in the clean pair of pants she had just pulled on. When she was done changing, she splashed cool water up onto her face and wiped it dry on a gray towel. Then she glanced up in the mirror, into her glistening eyes and pale face… she could feel her hands trembling slightly on the sink and clenched them tighter on the edges.

And the new image in her mind was of Remus. He had been unconditionally nice to her, something that hadn't occurred since she was young, and it reminded her of her childhood, and her parents, and the life she had left behind. It reminded her of all the things that had gone wrong, and all the things that could have been. And she had to press a hand to her face to stop her eyes from dampening her cheeks.

Feeling insufferably weak, she blinked several times and forced the familiar scowl back onto her face. Crumpling her dirty clothes into a wad in her hands, she made her way back toward her room, knowing how she would put a stop to this sudden and excruciating feeling of weakness and frailty.

"Still here?" she commented casually as she saw Remus gazing around her room. She chucked her wad of clothes into the corner of the room and crossed her arms, now thick with the weight of the unbecomingly baggy sweatshirt. "Well, it's been- interesting, I suppose- knowing you. Perhaps we'll meet again sometime."

"Are you kicking me out?" Remus asked straightforwardly.

"And if I am?"

"Well then I suppose I'd simply have to ask why," he continued curiously.

"Haven't we already established my issues with trusting people?" _Stupid, Alex. Stupid He's not going to buy that. I do trust him, God help me I actually trust somebody for once, and he KNOWS I trust him, he has to know. If he doesn't he's blind and pathetically ignorant, unless he's actually buying this façade._

"Why _do _you have such problems with trusting people?" he queried softly, taking one step closer to where Alex stood.

"'Everyone is a moon and has a dark side that he never shows to anybody'."

"Mark Twain."

Alex hesitated, taken aback by his knowledge of the quote by the Muggle author. Remus saw her face and let out a soft, grim laugh and muttered, "One of his most interesting quotes."

"Yes, and one of the most truthful. Everyone has a dark side, Remus, a side that does things… untrustworthy. I have little faith in humankind." Her tone was unlike the one she normally used around Remus: sarcastic and lofty. Now she spoke in a low, icy voice reminiscent of frozen daggers slicing through the air.

"Is there something you're not telling me?"

Alex felt her heart skip a beat at the thought of being found out. "Is there something _you're _not telling _me_?"

She watched inquisitively as Remus hesitated, his eyes gone distant with memory once again. "Yes," he murmured at last, heaving a deep sigh. "I have terrible luck when it comes to women."

Alex was shocked into silence for a moment. What on earth was he talking about? Here she thought he was going to reveal his dark side, tell her some secret of his past, or perhaps even tell her to piss off and mind her own business, and he chose to tell her about his love life? "What are you talking about?" she spat finally.

"Well, I've never had a true girlfriend. Of course, things were always on and off at school, as you probably understand. But really, I never could find the right person. And then one day in the morning, I found this woman lying unconscious on the street in front of my house," he began to explain, faltering slightly over his speech.

Alex frowned and raised an eyebrow, wondering where in the world this was going.  
"So I took her to the hospital, and when she woke up, she was gratuitously rude to me. Yet there was something about her that drew me to her, and I took an instant liking to her, despite her snide attitude. I tried to gain her trust by visiting her everyday and bringing roses, which it turns out wasn't the best idea."

Normally Alex would have snorted in concurrence, but she was too lost in his story to make any kind of response.

"I even invited myself into her room just to see if she would ever warm up to me, and to see if I could muster enough courage to tell her how I felt. But just when it seemed she was beginning to tolerate me, she pushed me away. Now, I don't know if my luck with women is necessarily a dark side, but it certainly seems to reject anybody I begin to care for. Do you happen to have any insight as to why I'm such a miserable failure at this?"  
Alex stared at him, unbidden warmth welling up inside of her. She attempted to retain her indifferent demeanor, but it seemed impossible now.

"If it's any consolation, it wasn't your fault; it was hers," she replied, trying not to look at him.

"Well, do you think I have any chance with her at this point?" Remus's face was sincerely sad and hopeful at the same time. His eyes bore into hers… how badly she wanted to look away. How badly she wanted to just say 'no' and get on with her life, or whatever she was living. But the word caught in her throat, and a strange sense of hope filled her unlike she had felt in many years. Maybe… but no, she lived a roaming life of secrecy, a life that included nobody else. She was a wanderer, alone, unable to share her own dark side with anyone.

But maybe… just maybe…

Though her conscience told her that it was the wrong move, she nodded her head jerkily. "Yes. I think you do."

x-----x-----x-----x-----x

The autumn day was warm and inviting, the sun poking out from fluffy white clouds and reminding the world of the season that had passed not long ago. Alex sipped her coffee slowly as she watched the ball of luminescence descend into the west, looming precariously above the horizon. Remus absentmindedly stirred his own drink with a thin straw, gazing around the near-empty coffee shop. His eyes darted down to his wrist and he frowned.

"So where are you going tonight? Another meeting?" Alex questioned slyly, lowering her cup.

"What makes you say that?" Remus replied automatically, his eyebrows raised.  
"You keep looking down at your watch. Every time you do that, you always excuse yourself and vanish off to one of your mystery meetings," Alex responded with a knowing smirk.

"Well, now that you mention it, yes. I do have a meeting tonight." Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, continuing to stir his already cold coffee slowly as he carefully averted his eyes.

Alex let out a soft laugh. "And you wonder why I have trust issues."

Remus looked momentarily startled. "What?"

"You've been over to my nice little fleabag motel room, know what I do for a living, not to mention you've been calling me 'Alex' for the past two weeks and I haven't gotten to call you 'Lupy.' But at the same time, I don't know what these secret meetings are that you always attend, I've never seen you working, and I've never been to your house- don't even know where it is, for that matter. You're a mystery, Remus," she told him, raising her cup of coffee again and taking a sip. "But a mystery I intend to solve."

The latter sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose wearily. "Alex, you told me that you work for the Bulgarian government. So surely you can understand a job that involves secrecy?"

Alex nodded, her mind connecting the sentiment with more than just her spellwork for the Bulgarian government every now and then. It started her thinking about how long she had spent at her current residence: a little over three weeks. That meant that a month would soon be gone, along with another full moon…

Clearing her throat, she looked up at the man before her and cringed inwardly at what she was about to do. "I'll be gone soon."

"I beg your pardon?" Remus stopped stirring his drink and paid full attention to the woman sitting across from him.

"I've told you that I don't stick around in one place for too long…" she began, looking away so as not to see the hurt that would soon fill his eyes. "It's been nearly a month, and it's about time for my nomadic life to be up and moving again. I've had a lot of fun with you, Remus, but… I'm going to have to be leaving soon. It's just the kind of life I lead- no attachments, nothing keeping me grounded, not worrying about trust issues with anyone."

And then she made the mistake of looking up.

Remus was staring at her with furrowed eyebrows, not comprehending her need to go so soon; and how could he? After all, he did not know the real reason for her inevitable departure. He did not know the secret identity that lay buried within her. His eyes, as she had expected, were filled with pain, wondering what he had done to drive her away… she wanted to tell him that he hadn't done anything, but that would lead to questions, and she could not tell him why she had to go.

"Alex, you don't have to leave," he tried to reason with her.

"Yes, I do," she replied softly.

"Why?"

His pained question reminded her of a small child wondering why his parents were leaving him alone on a foreign doorstep. "I- I can't tell you," she stammered, keeping herself occupied by taking another sip of her coffee, which now tasted of tar in her tainted mouth.

"You can't tell me?" His wounded tone swiftly became skeptical and accusatory. "Does this have anything to do with my meetings?"

Alex wanted to punch him in the face. She had a feeling that she could easily take him down. But at the same time, her heart was wrenching in her chest, and the two emotions played out in the crescendo of her strained voice. "No, Remus, this doesn't have anything to do with the meetings. It doesn't have anything to do with you! I hoped that I could make this goodbye a pleasant one, that we could leave on good terms. I guess I was wrong." With that, she picked herself up off the chair and hurried out of the coffee shop, leaving a perplexed and troubled Remus behind her.


	4. Veritas

**Chapter Four: Veritas**

The rumpled, brown sheets strewn over the rather uncomfortable mattress were kicked to the end of the bed that Alex sat in, her knees in the air and her forehead resting on them. Loose brown curls hung down the sides of her face, clouding her peripheral vision. Not that she wanted to open her eyes and look around at the dreary room. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and forget about all of this, especially the man that hadn't come back to try and talk her out of leaving since she had ran out on him at the coffee shop nearly a week prior. So she sat there, knowing she would have to leave soon, knowing she could wait no longer, knowing he was not going to come and try to sweet-talk her into staying with him. So she sat there tormenting herself, torn between leaving and desperately wanting to have some reason to stay.

Just a few more minutes. That's what she told herself. She would wait a few more minutes, and if he didn't come, she would leave. She would have to; it had been a month. Tonight was the full moon.

_If only I knew where he lived…_ she thought, willing herself to come up with an address. But she only knew he was on Grimmauld street. _Maybe I should just go wander around over there until I find him. I can ask him if he'll forgive me, if I should stay here. If I should give up my 'job'…_

But no. She could not give it up. As much as her heart yearned to stay with Remus, she knew she could not. She could not forgive herself if she gave it up. She owed it to her parents… to Rachel.

As she lifted her head from her knees and blinked her bleary eyes to sharpen her view of the room, she saw them again. From clumps of dust packed into the corners of the desolate room, their forms arose, unbidden, taking shape before her very eyes. One was a towering man, well over six feet tall, with neat, short black hair. He wore a starchy navy blue suit but had a smile so warm that it melted his stiff exterior. Beside him was a woman, significantly shorter than the former; her hair fell in loose brown ringlets, much like her daughter's, and her eyes were slightly squinted and sparkling, as if the sun were constantly shining in them. The last was obviously the shortest of them all, being only thirteen years old. Her strawberry hair was frizzy and untamed, and her oval glasses made her seem slightly nerdy, but her eerie ghost of a laugh echoed through the room with an ethereal quality that was, if possible, both endearing and disconcerting at the same time.  
Alex rose from her position on the bed, half-wishing these visions that had manifested themselves out of the dusty corners of her mind were truly in her motel room. She swallowed as she took a step toward them, afraid to reach out to her parents and best friend of so long ago. But before she got a chance, her father spoke up in a slightly disappointed voice.

"Don't tell me you're seriously considering giving all this up?" he asked her, frowning and folding his arms.

Alex simply stared. "W-what?"

"Oh, sweetie," her mother gushed as if talking to a child, practically in tears. "You can't let a simple man get in the way of your destiny. You're meant for wonderful things, honey. You're meant to continue your noble quest of ridding the world of those terrible beasts."

Alex felt her heart tearing as it slammed against her ribcage. She felt her eyes burning as she stood there, at a complete loss for a reply, when Rachel scurried over to her and tugged at her baggy T-shirt.

"Alex, you're the only one of us who can do this. C'mon, you can't just sit by and pretend that nothing happened. How can you just go on with your life and forget about us?" she prodded, frowning up at her now grown-up friend.

"She's right," her father cut in again. "You need to avenge us. You need to avenge our deaths."

Alex's hand trembled slightly as she placed it over her eyes, backing up until her shoulders came into contact with the wall behind her. "I know," she whispered to the imaginary figures that her guilty subconscious had created. "I'm trying."

"Well, you're obviously not trying hard enough," Rachel piped up, leaning on the decrepit table and fingering her earring, as she always used to do when feeling let down. "It's the day of the full moon and you haven't even looked at your list in over a month! You can't let those creatures continue to live, allowing what happened to us to occur again and again."

Her mother didn't seem to notice that Alex was breathing heavily with regret as she listened to her best friend's earnest words. "Please, Alex. You're the only one that managed to survive… You're the only one that can avenge us…"

Alex squeezed her eyes shut and found herself back in that horribly sterile, white hospital room. She had only been thirteen at the time, sustaining minor cuts and bruises and waking up in an unfamiliar room. And then the nurse came in and told her the horrifying truth: her parents and best friend were dead…

She'd reviled hospitals ever since.

When she opened her eyes, she could see her parents and Rachel still standing there, watching her expectantly. At last, she spoke in a choked voice, "It wasn't my fault you died." Her eyes were burning again, and now her throat was too. "I didn't ask to be the only one that lived! I didn't ask for this life!" her voice was scratchy as she became hysterical, pounding a fist helplessly on the wall behind her.

"But you're the only one that can avenge us," her mother murmured softly.

Alex didn't want to hear it. She slid down into a sitting position in the corner, her knees curled up to her chest, her face screwed up in agony. "Go away," she pleaded in a hoarse whisper.

"You're the only one that can avenge us," her father repeated.

She cupped her hands over her ears as if to mute the words that were irrevocably imprinted on her mind, and had been since that fateful summer day. "Go away!"

"You're the only one that can avenge us!" Rachel nearly shouted, slamming her palms down on the table in frustration. "Don't let us die without the murderers paying for it!"

"GO AWAY!" Alex leapt to her feet and seized the lamp from the dresser, chucking it to the three people across the room. A deafening crash resounded as it soared through the dissolving figures and collided with the opposite wall, exploding in a shower of glittering glass and bits of ceramic.

Dizziness overcame Alex as she turned around, searching for where her three mysterious visitors had gone. The world spun around her as she toppled over onto the lumpy mattress, blackness engulfing her before she returned to the memory she wished she could erase from her mind forever…

_It was a warm summer's evening, the sun gradually descending into the west. Its light caused the trees before it to become mere black silhouettes against the sea that went from blue to pearl to gold to coral pink on the horizon. And Alexandria Cain was seated next to her best friend, Rachel, on the huge lawn that stretched through the backyard of the Cain residence and rushed all the way to the forest that lay on the south perimeter. Alex's parents were on the back porch, reading the newspaper quietly._

_  
But the tranquil scene was interrupted by a troubling howl some distance off in the forest. Alex's dad frowned but assumed it was some kind of animal far off in the woods; after all, there were many that roamed that forest, but none so far had actually emerged onto the premises._

_  
Of course, had he seen the pale light of the rising full moon overhead, he might have thought twice about ignoring the fatal omen._

_  
All at once, the beast exploded from the woods, snarling and drooling and howling at the placid face of the impassive moon. Alex could hear her mother shouting to the two of them, "RUN!" Not needing to hear twice, Alex and Rachel leapt up from where they sat talking and began to sprint across the huge lawn in the direction of the house. As they did so, Alex's father was running out to them at full speed while her mother screamed and ushered them closer to the house._

_  
The house meant security; the comforting glow of the porch light in the growing darkness of the night was a beacon of hope, a safe haven. And that made it all the more terrifying when Alex's shoe slid against the dewy grass, skidded on a rock, and flew out from under her. That was when Alex tripped._

_  
Rachel instantly stopped and spun around, but she was already a good fifteen feet ahead of her friend. Her eyes were wide and horrified, and her voice tore as she cried out her best friend's name. The wolf, however, did not share in this moment of friendship and personal sacrifice; it did not care what would happen to these poor teenage girls, nor would it feel remorse after it had ripped them both to shreds. The only thing on its mind was to feed, to kill…_

_  
Thus, when the wolf bounded closer, Alex did the only thing she could- she flattened herself on the grass and covered her head with her arms. Miraculously, the wolf vaulted right over her. Alex knew what would happen a split second before it actually occurred.  
The werewolf made a dive for Rachel. At the same instant, Alex's dad rushed for the young girl and grabbed her around the waist to get the girl, who had been frozen with fear, to the safety of the house._

_  
But Alex did not see what happened next._

_  
Alex realized that as long as the wolf was running in the direction of the house, she had a clear path to escape from it. So she pushed herself to her feet, turned, and dashed back in the direction of the woods, survival instincts kicking in and overcoming all other thought. She ran so hard that the muscles in her legs felt like they were on fire, ran so hard that her feet cramped up, ran so hard that the only thing she could hear was the heavy panting of air entering and exiting her lungs rather than the bloodcurdling screams echoing behind her…_

_  
She ran so hard that she reached the woods in a matter of seconds, latching onto the lowest branch of the nearest tree and yanking herself up so hard that she was literally airborne for a brief moment before she caught the branch again and went scrambling frantically upward until she was completely shielded by the dense leaves. Nobody could see her; and likewise, she could see nothing of what was happening back at the house.  
Alex clung to that branch for what seemed like hours, not daring to move, trying to slow down her quick breathing and pounding heart. At long last, she spotted the werewolf tearing back off in the trees and vanishing into the woods behind her. But still she hung there, paralyzed. Her brain was too numb to even process what might have happened to her parents and best friend._

_  
After a long while, she felt her brain slowing down as exhaustion took hold of her. Her muscles ached from her tight, strained grip on the branch, and she tried to ease herself into a more comfortable position to no avail. The trauma that had just befallen her hadn't even kicked in to her sluggish brain, and she found herself unable to hold on any longer. Letting go, she felt herself slip off the branch and suddenly knew what it meant to freefall. The impact with the ground was sharp and painful, but just as her head connected with the dirt, everything was already black. _

The next thing she remembered was waking up in a hospital with the news that would plague her and haunt her for the rest of her life. Her mother, her father, her best friend… She had run away and left them all for dead.

"NO!" Alex screamed as she jumped so badly that she toppled off the bed and landed painfully on the hard floor. Rubbing her elbow, she tugged herself back onto her bed and leaned against the pillow. As she did so, her eyes wandered down to her watch, and her stomach gave a jolt. The sun would be setting in less than an hour.

As if to compound to her already taut nerves, a sudden rapping at the door caused Alex's heart to skip a beat, and she pressed her palms over her eyes for a moment before rolling over and trudging to the door, wondering who on earth could be on the other side. She stopped on her way and picked up her wand, twirling it around in her fingers pensively before tucking it in her back pocket, figuring it might come in handy. Shaking loose locks of messy brown hair from her eyes, she unlocked the door and pulled it open, peering through the small crack into the hallway.

The face staring back at her was one she hadn't counted on ever seeing again.

"Remus?"

His brown eyes were frightened, full of doubt. The way he clasped his hands in front of him told her that he was worried she might turn him away again, worried that his decision to finally go back there would give him poor results. But when he saw her familiar face staring back at him, his eyes widened in relief, and for a moment he looked as though he might throw open the door all the way and embrace her. As always, however, reason clouded his judgment and he made no such brash move.

"Hi."

A moment of silence squeezed Alex's stomach until she had to look away from his imploring face, feeling awkward, and at last she swung the door all the way open and stepped aside to admit him. He hesitated only a moment before stepping in. Alex couldn't help but notice how pale and drawn his features were, as well as the bags under his eyes, and wondered for an alarming moment if her running out on him at the coffee shop had anything to do with how ill he looked now. An unwanted wave of guilt washed over her as she closed the door and stood with her back to it, afraid to move.

Remus cleared his throat. "I'm sorry I didn't come over sooner. I just didn't know if you wanted to see me ever again. I- I was hoping you hadn't left yet," he fumbled, scratching the back of his neck to give his hand something to do other than hang limply by his side.  
"What do you want me to say?" Alex inquired softly after a moment. As the words tumbled from her lips like an avalanche, she instantly regretted the fleeting look of pain that flashed across Remus's features. She furrowed her eyebrows as she scrutinized him, from his graying hair to the look on his face that told her he wanted to vomit. But his eyes held the same innocence yet experienced wisdom as they always did, and they reached out to her, telling her that there was goodness in the world. Telling her that he was the unconditional goodness she had searched for all her life.

And then, like one of her own sharply fired spells, it hit her.

The only fair thing.

She had to tell him the truth.

He opened his mouth to say something, but she held up a hand to silence him, and he obeyed. "There's something you should know before you waste any more of your feelings on me," she began, each word a wrench to her gut. "I don't just move around to move around. I live what you might call… a double life, you could say."

"Alex, what-?"

"Please. Let me finish." Her words were coming out forced and unnatural, sounding more like a prewritten speech than anything. "When I was thirteen, my parents and best friend were murdered. By a werewolf."

"Oh," Remus murmured softly, pityingly. Then his eyes darkened in realization, and his voice lowered as he repeated himself grimly. "Oh."

Alex swallowed. She hadn't any idea what was going on in his mind, but she had to plow on. She couldn't leave a sentence like that dangling over Remus's head without an explanation. "That's when I was put in an orphanage. All through my last five years at school, I busied myself attempting to construct a revolutionary spell that could be used in defense against such attacks. I was always fond of experimental spellwork, and quite good at it as well. I tried a lot of things, but the one that worked was a combination of a destruction spell and a silver- well, you don't care about that," she thought out loud as she realized that this wasn't the direction she had intended to go in. At least she sounded slightly more natural, now.

"Anyway, I got it right in my sixth year and practiced it up until I graduated. And I made a vow to myself that I would do anything I could to get revenge for my parents'- and Rachel's- deaths. I swore to myself that if I had to search and take out each werewolf in the world, one by one, so help me I would do it; I would do it if it meant I could prevent future werewolf attacks and deaths and situations like mine. I'm a werewolf hunter, Remus. I'm nothing but a lowlife wanderer, seeking revenge. That's why I had to leave," she muttered, finding that she had walked from her place in front of the door and was now standing by the table, avoiding eye contact.

She didn't see the horrified expression that Remus quickly wiped off his face before commenting distantly, "I thought you said you were leaving so you wouldn't get close enough to have trust issues with anyone."

"Yes, but how can I trust anyone when I know there are murderous beasts walking among us, pretending they don't turn into savages each month, putting on a façade to trick people into thinking they're normal?" Alex pointed out. "Anyway, you know the truth about me now. I was planning on leaving sometime before today, but I…" She didn't want to tell him that she had been waiting for him to come and convince her to stay because now that he had come, she realized that she couldn't stand looking into his sweet face and lying anymore. "Once a month I'm not a pretty sight- and I don't mean _that _particular monthly phenomenon- and, well, today's the lucky day."

Remus's head shot up so fast he got a crick in it, and he had to rub it and twist his head from side to side to get rid of the cramping feeling. "What do you mean, today's the lucky day?" he queried anxiously.

"I mean in about five minutes when the sun sets, there will be a bad moon on the rise, and I'm not talking about the song."

Apparently, Alex had just said something Remus didn't want to hear. She watched him curiously as an odd succession of reactions crossed his face. At first it looked as if he had forgotten something very important; then panic swiftly took over his features; finally, he looked as agonized as a person on the Cruciatus Curse, and gazed around frantically as if searching for an escape.

"I- I'm sorry, but I have to go," he told her, quickly moving toward the door. Alex bit her lip, having expected a reaction of disgust, perhaps, but she hadn't expected him to be so repulsed that he had to get away from her ugly, homicidal figure.

"Wait, please-" Though she had been intent on parting with him at several points in the past, at the moment her heart ached to see him running away from her so. And she realized, with a cruel sense of irony, that this was how he had felt at the coffee shop. But she wasn't about to just sit there with her cold cappuccino and watch him walk out of her life for good, and she wasn't going to run away- not this time. She felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders when she told him the truth, however troubling the truth may have been; she only hoped that Remus might see past that despicable part of her and recall her for the cynically sweet girl he had met at St. Mungo's.

She hurried out into the hallway after him, almost not bothering to slam the door shut, and raced to the nearest exit after his fleeing footsteps. When she burst into the cool night air, she noticed how dark it had gotten, and her eyes rolled inexorably heavenward. A circular pearly orb hung in the relatively clear sky, shedding pale light over the navy world, a mystical silvery shine from some otherworldly force.

Remus was about twenty feet ahead of her, but he had halted, and out of instinct, so had she. The moon out before him, his back was encased in shadow, and his form was hunched as he staggering slightly. Alex opened her mouth to call out to him, but her voice caught in her throat as she saw him slip to his knees and let out an unearthly cry of anguish and suffering, a cry so full of pure torment that her spine tingled and a chill ran over her body.

His silhouette lurched and molded, his arms growing as he bent over. She could not see the fur sprouting all over his body, nor the glistening lethal fangs tearing through his bleeding gums, nor the talons growing from his newly formed paws. But she knew what had happened as soon as his pained shouts transformed into long, eerie howls. She knew what had happened as soon as the beast turned around on all fours, allowing the moonlight to fall over its ragged features as it slowly turned its coal-black eyes to Alex…


	5. Inimicus

**Chapter Five: Inimicus**

Her first instinct was to run. That was always her first instinct. Every time her eyes beheld a creature such as this, she recalled her youth and her salvation by running. So when the beast before her swiveled in a semicircle, its teeth bared and its eyes gleaming against the reflection of moonlight, her mind screamed at her to do one single thing: run.  
Her entire body was numb. She barely felt her feet pounding against the pavement, her arms pumping at her sides, her heart hammering in her chest, her breath coming out in sharp gasps… It felt as if her body were flying free, speeding through the air as easily as a knife through butter. The wind whipped her long ringlets of hair against her face, lashing her cheeks every time she moved her head. And while it would have been the most appropriate time for millions of painful questions to be racing through her mind, her head was eerily blank and numb. She just knew that she had to keep running. When one was unarmed against a hungry werewolf, one did not make the fatal mistake of just standing around.

As she ran, a random memory suddenly popped into her head, and she nearly let out a cry of bitter realization when it hit her. She had a list back in her motel room, a list that she had compiled with information from her resources… a list of as many werewolves and their locations as she could find. She now knew why Remus's name had sounded so familiar upon first hearing it. She clearly recalled passing over one of her many 'location: unknown's that had the name written next to it: Remus Lupin.

The footsteps pulsated behind her, shadowing her every move, only slightly narrowing the gap between them with each echoing footfall. Alex watched, detached, as the dark street flew by her in a blur of grays and browns. The dilapidated houses she was passing were beginning to seem familiar. She had taken this road before. And it had ended somewhere between houses eleven and thirteen…

Unable to consider her direction or the familiarity of the passing neighborhood, Alex veered to her left and shot down another street, feeling an uncomfortable sensation puncture the numbness of the back of her upper thigh. Without slowing her pace, she reached back and yanked out something hard, long, and smooth from her back pocket. As her arms pumped, she spotted what was now clutched instinctively in her right fist, arcing closer to her as her right arm pumped forward and swinging back to her peripheral vision as her arm pumped backward. Something instantaneously clicked in her mind.

Her wand.

She had her wand.

Alex stumbled slightly before regaining her footing and racing onward. The numbness of her body from the initial shock was beginning to wear off, and she could now feel the screaming of her leg muscles, the wrenching cramp forming in her side, and the ache of her lungs as they tried to draw in more air than was their capacity. Now there was a new idea drumming against her brain, willing her to break past the numb barrier in her mind and understand.

Her wand.

She had her wand.

At last, the revelation set in, and she realized that she was no longer unarmed and defenseless against the savage beast behind her. She had her wand. She could turn around right now and fire the spell- sure, it would be a close call. She could hear the wolf pounding along behind her, but if the spell stopped the momentum soon enough, she wouldn't have to worry about dodging out of the way of the barreling beast. She could kill it and be done with it, just like she had countless times before.

_No!_ her mind screamed at her suddenly. _What are you thinking, you lunatic? That's Remus! You can't kill Remus; you can't just up and KILL Remus!_

Thus, Alex did not stop and turn around despite the dull ache in her feet.

_He did lie to me_, the other half of her mind pointed out. _He lied to me. He never told me the truth about him. He never told me that he's a werewolf…_

And then the truth sunk in.

Remus was a werewolf.

Alex's heart jerked in agony, and it had nothing to do with the furious pumping of blood through her veins as she sprinted down the street. She blinked, and when her eyes reopened, her vision was frighteningly blurred, her eyes now burning with hot tears. She blinked quickly, but it was no use. The dark, obscured world around her tilted and warped behind a blurred stream of water, and she now felt blind as she ran along, only able to distinguish where she was by the dark blob-like buildings rising up on either side of her.  
Remus… a werewolf…

After all those years, Alex had finally allowed herself to get close to someone. She had finally given way and shattered the wall inside of her that refused to trust others. She had finally found someone that she cared for, that she nearly gave up her roaming ways for, and he turned around and stabbed her in the back with the most painful blow he could possibly deal her, the one weapon that could wound her heart so badly that she felt she might actually bleed to death… a werewolf…

It was unthinkable that sweet, gentle Remus was truly a traitorous beast of the same quality that had killed her parents so long ago. The same beast that Alex had sworn revenge against. The same beast that she destroyed again and again, month after month, year after year…

Alex's chest jerked as she tried to take in steady breaths, but on top of her panting from the run and the guttering sobs she was so desperately trying to hold in, calm breathing evaded her. She could now feel a dull ache in her head that throbbed along with the pulsing of her footsteps on the pavement. She knew the headache was purely from her disbelieving brain trying to process what she had just discovered. It didn't seem possible. It was overwhelming.

But she had seen it with her own eyes.

Remus was a werewolf.

Alex could feel her energy draining like a damp rag being twisted until all the water dripped out. She could not keep up this dead sprint much longer; she had spent a month lying in a hospital bed and sitting in a coffee shop, and her legs weren't used to the strain of a long, hard run. But her sheer force of will pumped her screaming legs harder, knowing that if she slowed down for even a moment to catch her breath, Remus would catch up to her.

No. Not Remus.

The _werewolf _would catch up with her.

And the werewolf would kill her.

Despite this macabre thought that danced through her mind, she felt her muscles tighten up and the cramp in her side send her shocks of pain. Unwillingly, she felt her body begin to slow down. But the thumping of paws on the cement pounded at a continuous steady pace, and the sound got louder and louder as it echoed in her head simultaneously with the beating of her heart, throbbing of her head, and slowing shuffle of her own exhausted feet against the road.

At last her body gave way to fatigue, and she tried to stop the inevitable as she fell forward, her body skidding against the road and coming to a stop. The pace of the wolf continued until it was just behind her. Alex rolled over onto her back and looked up, wand pointed in the direction of the oncoming beast. Time slowed to a crawl as the wolf pounced into the dull yellow light of a nearby streetlamp, and the light glinted on its dark eyes. Alex opened her mouth to utter the two words that could destroy this beast- but then she saw that light shining in its eyes. And for a moment she was sure she saw Remus staring back at her, not in control of his actions, pleading with her- and she hesitated.  
But she hesitated a moment too long.

Before she knew it, time sped up again, and the wolf pounced through the air in her direction. Not having time to perform the incantation, she rolled to the side and prayed that the wolf would miss her and keep going. The beast landed roughly on the pavement just to her left and quickly redirected its path, its snarling face now pressed up through the darkness by Alex. She could feel the hot breath on her face and see the sharp fangs and wrinkled snout as the wolf bared its teeth and let out a low snarl.

Just as the beast pounced, Alex grabbed a rock about the size of her first and smashed it as hard as she could against the approaching muzzle. The wolf landed on her, the claws digging into her arms as she tried to fend it off by repeatedly banging the rock against its face. At last the wolf gave a whimper and retreated a few steps, giving Alex time to leap to her feet and once again continue her mad dash to whatever safety she could find.

She barely noticed the gashes in her arms until she saw the crimson liquid oozing through her torn sleeves. But she paid that no mind; she was still low on adrenaline, and even at her fastest pace she was certainly not quick enough to escape the creature behind her that had now begun to follow her again. As she ran, she tucked her wand away in her back pocket, nearly admitting defeat. Alex veered around a corner and saw something that made what was left of her heart leap into her throat, causing her to let out a strangled cry. The alley was a dead end! Only the grimy wall of an old building rose up at the end, and only two long walls of brick lined the outside.

Having nowhere to go but forward, Alex raced toward the dead end, having no clue what she would do when she arrived at the dumpster pressed up against the far wall. The wolf had already turned into the alley behind her. Alex pushed herself forward and threw herself up onto the dumpster, sliding over the gritty surface on her stomach and rolling off the end into the thin crevice between the dumpster and the building behind it. It was just barely thin enough for her to fit through laying lengthwise, so when she tumbled unsuspectingly into the gap, her head and other various body parts were bashed back and forth from the dumpster to the wall.

When she hit the ground, it was with the sharp pain of slamming the back of her head into the wall of the building. Stars danced before her eyes as she heard a scrabbling at the dumpster before turning her bleary eyes to the edge of the dumpster. The wolf's muzzle was poking inside, snarling and drooling and howling in frustration at not being able to fit its huge, hairy body into the tiny cleft. Alex allowed her heart and mind to slow as she closed her eyes, and the world dissolved around her.

x-----x-----x-----x-----x

The insides of her eyelids were no longer black- they were an odd orange color, signifying bright light streaming into her field of vision. Alex squeezed her eyes shut in irritation before blinking and opening them fully. Her stomach gave a jolt when she saw a dark olive-colored sheet in front of her that was weathered and chipping. When she turned her head sideways and looked up, she saw fierce golden light shining in her eyes, and she was forced to close them against the brightness. Groggy, disoriented, and aching, Alex began to inch herself forward to get to the edge of the large block in front of her, which would allow her to free herself from this tiny area.

Her head was pounding in aggravation at being moved, and she had to stop a few times and shake it lightly to try and stop the dull ache and clear the fog. At last she had managed to work her way out from behind the block, and when she saw that it was a dumpster, she immediately dropped to her knees and put both hands over her head, images from the previous night swirling through her mind at an alarming rate.

She glanced back over at the dumpster and then saw the wolf snoring peacefully against one of the walls that lined the alley. It was pressed up in the corner, hidden in such a way that it was still completely covered by shadows, the sun not yet having reached that corner yet. But it would soon.

Alex gazed over at the werewolf and realized that it must have tried to get to her, but not being as skinny as she was, it hadn't succeeded in getting far enough behind the dumpster to reach her immobile form. It had probably given up after a ferocious struggle against the heavy dumpster and then had chosen to take a nap in the corner of the alley. The dumpster was what had kept her alive through the night.

Alex gave out a choked half-sob, half-laugh and blubbered in a fit of hysteria, "Well, I never thought other people's old trash would save my life!" The laughter turned to crying as tears welled around her eyes and began to spill down her cheeks. This time she didn't even try to stop them. She watched as the rising sun swallowed up the shadows of the corner and fell onto the wolf's matted, brown fur. She knelt there on the hard ground, shivering and sniffling, and watching as the wolf's face shrank back, the fur shedding around it, the talons contracting back into the newly formed fingers. Alex watched as the werewolf transformed into Remus, who awoke and gritted his teeth in pain as his features solidified.

It was a very long moment of silence. Remus was squeezing his eyes shut, his hands clenched into fists, breathing hard. When he opened his eyes, they were full of pain and sorrow. Alex did not know if he remembered what he had done the night prior, and it didn't matter if he remembered or merely sensed her presence there. For when his eyelids parted, he turned his head weakly and gazed over at her. Their eyes met, and the gaze was held for what felt like an eternity and a fraction of a second all at the same time. Alex could see his anguish, his regret, his guilt, and his lament in his hollow eyes that were lined with dark circles. But her own eyes gave him neither solace nor forgiveness; she could only stare at him with a mixture of horror, pain, disgust, and sadness. They read each other's eyes and knew that there had been a fracture created between them that could never be repaired.

"Alex…" he whispered softly. But the latter could not respond. She felt as if she had lost her parents and best friend all over again. And Remus could see that in her eyes, and he said nothing further.

When Alex found the strength to stand, she rose shakily to her feet and turned away. She began to walk out of the alley at a slow, dazed pace, but it quickened until she was running as her heart tore, running away from trust and friendship and all the things she had left behind, running away from the man she loved… and the beast she hated.


	6. Orsus

**Chapter Six: Orsus**

It was already late in the morning by the time Remus stepped into the quiet house. He hadn't thought his spirits could be lowered any further, but when the dank and gloomy darkness of the front hall encased him as he closed the door, he found that he had been mistaken. He took several lethargic, silent steps forward, his back hunched over as if a heavy burden lay on his shoulders.

_I could have hurt her. I could have turned her into a werewolf. Hell, I could have killed her!_ He mused dejectedly, blinking back the annoying, burning sensation in his eyes. _I'm more of a liability to the Order than an asset, really. Dumbledore should never have put his trust in me. I should just pack up and leave now._

That was the story of his life. Always packing up and leaving because of who he was. He tried so hard to keep running away, but in actuality, he could not run away from himself. The undeniable truth was glaringly obvious: he would run all his life, but he could never escape the horrors that came with being a werewolf. That would follow him everywhere, ruining his chances at a career, pushing away friends, bringing unbearable pain to people that he cared deeply for…

He let out a long, slow sigh, trying to drain the pessimistic feelings from his lungs. But it was impossible. He could almost see Alex packing right now, preparing to never look into his miserable, lying face ever again. And if she ever did, he knew that all she would see would be a terrible beast. With everything that had happened, how could she ever look at him again and see something other than a werewolf?

And that was the glaringly obvious, undeniable truth.

She couldn't.

Remus walked as quietly as he could toward the kitchen and poked his head in. There was nobody in there. Breakfast was long over. Footsteps from behind him caused him to give a start and whirl around to see who was hurrying over.

"Remus Lupin!"

_Oh no._

Molly was red in the face; her hair was frizzy and wild as if she had been too busy fretting to bother with a comb; her eyes were shooting daggers at him, and her hands were up in the air to try and gesture along with her furious words. "Where in Merlin's name have you been? When Severus told us you hadn't taken your potion- well, needless to say, we searched everywhere for you. But- no sign of you anywhere! You are a grown man, Remus, and I do not expect to have to check up on you to make sure that you take your potion. Terrible things could have happened!"

"You mean, I could have hurt someone," Remus stated bluntly, glowering at the floor. As good as her intentions were, Molly had absolutely no idea what it was like. But how could she?

"Well- I- I mean, yes, of course- but it's a good thing you're all right," Molly fumbled, seeming to realize that she had made it seem like she cared more about what damage Remus could have done than his own well being. Remus suspected that this was the truth, but he knew Molly would never admit it. "As long as you're well, I suppose- nothing _did _happen, did it?" she added, cautious not to candidly accuse him of hurting someone.

"No, Molly. Nothing happened," Remus murmured wearily, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Now if you don't mind, I would like to get some rest." His body was exhausted and aching from the transformation, and he felt entirely drained, as if every last bit of energy had been squeezed out of him. He willed himself to drag his feet up the stairs, willed himself not to succumb to the burning in his eyes, willed himself to stumble into the room he slept in and over to the bed… and when he did so, he stopped caring, stopped willing himself to do anything, for his body would not obey. He collapsed on the bed, face buried in his pillow, and in no time drifted into a deep sleep to the silence of his own soundless tears.

x-----x-----x-----x-----x

There were whispers all around him. Oh, he wished they would stop! The annoying, distant voices caused the dull pounding in his head to increase, and eventually Remus rolled over and groaned, pressing his pillow over his head. At last he blinked his eyes open and was surprised to find warm, golden light spilling into his room. He had slept on and off the day before, allowing the after-effects of the transformation to wear down. He had gotten back to sleep around midnight, and after looking at the clock nearby, discovered he had slept soundly for ten straight hours.

One of the voices spoke above the rest, but it was very muffled. He was sure that everyone in number 12 Grimmauld Place was on the main level, from the faraway sound of their slightly hushed voices. Though he still felt a bit sore, he discovered that he was much more rested and full of energy than before, and thus chose to slide out of bed, stretch, throw on fresh clothes, and amble down the stairs. When he got to the staircase, the voices were loud enough for him to make out snippets of conversation.

"-been standing there for almost two hours now!"

"-of course, but maybe she's a spy and found out the address-"

"-could go out there and test our new product on her-"

Remus couldn't help but smile wanly. That last voice had been either Fred or George. Both of them had been living in Grimmauld Place since they had flown out of Hogwarts the previous year, and ever since then, they had become quite intent on improving their joke shop.

"I think we should all stop jumping to conclusions." Remus's smile dropped. Severus was there, too. "If she were a Death Eater, I would recognize her. Seeing as I have never seen her before in my life, I believe it is safe to say that she is no threat to us."

"That may be, but it is suspicious… she seems to know right where she is."

"But she does look a bit lost. See how she's looking around like she's waiting for something?" That sounded like Bill.

"Or someone," Tonks's voice piped up.

Remus began to trot down the stairs, his curiosity becoming overwhelming. Who on earth were they all talking about? When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw the whole group- Arthur, Molly, Fred, George, Bill, Severus, Kingsley, Tonks- huddled in front of the window, peeking out onto the street like peeping toms. Had he been in a better mood, Remus would have laughed his head off at the sight. As he stepped into the room, Remus cleared his throat and announced his presence with, "I suppose I wasn't invited to the party?"

At the sound, everyone jumped and spun around, looking startled. They glanced around uncomfortably for a moment before Severus greeted him with a smirk. "Well, well, well; if it isn't Sleeping Beauty."

Remus could tell that Severus wanted very badly to add, "Or should I say Beast?" But he didn't have to. His cold, black eyes said it for him. Carefully averting his gaze from where Severus stood, hovering in the corner and clad all in black, Remus took a few more strides forward and tried unsuccessfully to see what they were looking at out the window. "Can I ask what you're all crowded around?" he questioned at last, the peculiarity of this situation causing his eyebrows to rise.

It was Fred who answered. "There's some woman standing on the side of the street. She's been hanging around for about an hour and forty-five minutes, and it looks like she's standing right outside this house, even though she can't possibly see it," he informed Remus, who smiled briefly with gratitude at having an answer before pushing past the crowd and peering out the window himself.

She did look a bit lost and anxious, something a bit uncharacteristic for her bony cheeks and eyes that sparkled tauntingly. Her loose ringlets of brown hair fell over her shoulders haphazardly, landing on the baggy blue sweatshirt that hung down over a pair of fraying jeans. Remus would have recognized her anywhere.

Without wasting a second, he turned and hurried off through the group again in the direction of the front hall. The rest of them eyed him curiously and turned their attention back to the window when they heard the door creak open and then slam shut as Remus hustled out into the warm sunlight. "Guess he knows her," Bill broke the silence with an amused smile. The redheaded twins agreed.

"That, or he's really desperate."

x-----x-----x-----x-----x

Remus blinked away the shock of sunlight and watched as Alex turned around at the sound of footsteps and all at once looked startled, relieved, frightened, and ecstatic. The string of emotions played across her face like a movie and finally landed on mildly awkward with her hands shoved deep into her back pockets as he watched him approach. When they were about three feet apart, Remus stopped, swallowing as he tried not to look at her while trying to look at her at the same time, not sure of what exactly he wanted to do. After a long moment of silence, he blurted out, "Er- hi."

"Hi."

The silence was deafening.

"Alex, I… I'm so sorry. I should have told you to begin with…" he began, but the latter shook her head vigorously and cut in.

"No, no, you had all the right not to tell me. And I should be the one apologizing. It's just that… I'd become so accustomed to what I do that I'd forgotten that it was actual people that I was… well, you know." She sighed and looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes.

"No, I… well, how about neither of us apologizes?" Remus suggested, fumbling over his words.

"That sounds good."

They stood there for another moment. All at once Remus wanted to shout for joy that Alex hadn't run away, and yet he was terrified of making the wrong move and making her disappear for good. "So… why are you here?"

Alex stared at him breathlessly for a moment, tugging at her sweatshirt. "Well, the last time I was here, a valiant and debonair man came along and saved my life. I was hoping I might get lucky a second time around."

"Is this your way of telling me that you're giving up your nomadic ways?" Remus asked her quietly.

"I think I found someone who can domesticate me."

Remus couldn't help but grin. "You know, you're very talented. I'm sure if I talk to Dumbledore, he would see that you could be a great asset to the Order."

"The Order?"

"Take my word for it."

Alex found the corners of her lips twitching up into a smile. "I'd like that."

The two of them had each taken a step closer, and before they knew it, they had leaned forward into a kiss. When they pulled away, Alex smirked up at him and muttered, "You animal."

"You should see me when there's a full moon."

Alex gave a pained sort of grimace.

"Too early for jokes?" Remus questioned.

Alex nodded and replied, "Crack that one again in about a month, and I swear you'll get big laughs."

Remus couldn't help but grin stupidly at her. He also could have sworn he heard cheering coming from the house behind him, and he wouldn't have been surprised to see a Weasley's Wizard Wheezes firework shoot out above them into the clear blue sky.

Alex knew that her memories would come back to haunt her yet, but for now she was at peace with herself. And despite the frigid air that surrounded the world between fall and winter, she had never felt warmer. She could have stood there for all eternity, clinging to the beast she hated… and the man she loved.

THE END


End file.
